'Dark Shadows': My Unofficial Review

"You locked me in a box!  For over two hundred years!"

"Don't exaggerate...it was only a hundred and ninety-six."

Tim Burton's latest work of cinematic magic is a film version of the late-60s-early-70s soap opera 'Dark Shadows.'  The film tells the story of Barnabas Collins, portrayed by the fantastic Johnny Depp, a vampire who awakens from a 200-year sleep in 1972 to avenge his witch enemy and former lover Angelique Bouchard, played by Eva Green, and to rebuild his family's fishing business.  Barnabas also discovers that four of his distant relatives inhabit the house he and his parents constructed back in 1760.  While Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer) is skeptical of Barnabas at first, they soon grow to trust one another and work to save the family business together.  Other cast includes Bella Heathcote, who plays a young governess Victoria Winters who comes to help the young son David Collins in dealing with the loss of his mother.  Helena Bonham Carter appears as Dr. Julia Hoffman, a psychiatrist who has been trying to help David for three years.

Honestly, I've never been a huge fan of Tim Burton.  It's not that I don't find his work of good quality--I really do.  It's just that the whole dark setting, dark humour, dark everything isn't for me; I want a movie to make me happy, not depressed.  However, I saw his production of 'Alice in Wonderland' when it came out a couple years ago, and I was rather pleased with it.  Since then, I've been a little more open to Burton's work.  Mom wanted to see 'Dark Shadows' because she was familiar with the soap opera of the 60s/70s, so I went with her.  I'm a Johnny Depp fan (but I wouldn't call myself obsessed by any stretch), so I figured I'd enjoy watching him in the role at the least.

Depp's performance was as expected.  He is just so good at quirky, eccentric roles...Jack Sparrow, The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands, you name, and Depp can nail it.  It's as if he loses himself in the characters he plays, in a way similar to Heath Ledger and the Joker in 'The Dark Knight.'  I expected nothing less than the wacky, love-and-life-deprived vampire, and I left the theater more than entertained in that aspect.  Pfeiffer delivered a wonderful performance, as well.  However, despite Depp's brilliance and Pfeiffer's solid portrayal, the role I was most impressed with was Eva Green as Angelique.  I was not familiar with her, nor did I not recognize her from other movies.  I don't know what it was, but she just looked like a crazy, multiple-century-old witch.  Her mannerisms, diction, facial expressions, everything was in place for that casting to be a success.  If I had to pick a favourite exchange between her and Barnabus, it would be this:

Barnabus has just met with Angelique, and the two have discussed a deal concerning their competing fishing businesses.
A: "I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas.  My last.  You can join me by my side, and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers...or I'll put you back in the box."
Pause.
B: "I have already prepared my counter-proposal.  It reads thusly: you may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly as I walk out this door!"

Overall, I would say I enjoyed the film, and it was worth the $10.50 ticket (let's talk about how expensive movies are these days, geez).  Even though a lot of the darker stuff creeped me out--I had to cover my eyes a few times...yeah, I'm jumpy--the movie as a whole was well done, and I would definitely recommend it if you're looking for something to see on a slow night, especially if you're already a Tim Burton aficionado.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry.  However, it is with sincere regret that..."

Go see the movie to find out what Barnabas says next!